Verbal Processing: Change.

Today, I've been thinking about much about myself during this summer vacation here in New Jersey. I am not the same person now as I was the the last summer of 2008. I know we all change in some way over a period of time. We change our clothing styles and how we fix our hair. I feel the change is spiritual. It is something only God influences.

My outlook on things such as patience and lust (my two biggest struggles) has completely evolved. Mind you, I still do struggle with these things but not as heavy as the years past. I can see how God is calling me to something bigger. It is something more than I can imagine. The way He is bringing me back to the likeness of His son is becoming more clear and within reach than ever before. My struggles are two that are very common within all races, all sexes, all nationalities, and all cultures. I cannot hide the things that hinder me. One big change is the way I deal with these things. I thank God that I am suffering as I do for the better glory of Christ.

Another big influence of change starts with my career. I have always enjoyed studying law; whether it be criminal or constitutional law, I enjoy studying it. After speaking with an attorney who takes an associate pastor position at a local church in Paragould, Arkansas, I begin to see how all things within any career work together. In just about any career, Christians can reach someone within their vocation. I have always wanted to fit into a career that makes me a light in a dark place. I now realize that every job - even ministerial - has darkness of some kind. An attorney can serve Christ with such validity and ability as a pastor.

God showing me patience has broadened my perspective in all things. There are so many things I want in my life - marriage, good career, serving within a church - that I have little to understand how to accomplish. God has allowed me to struggle to make me see the perspective of His will. I must first serve Him through whatever I do next. I will be job searching soon in Paragould, Jonesboro, and Little Rock in Arkansas. I truly believe that God will show me the correct pathway in choosing a job. From there, I want to meditate more on scripture to determine if law school is right for me. This is all my way of verbally developing what to do next, or in other words, this writing is my way of both communicating with readers and myself. Just by me sitting down right now writing this, I am processing new ideas and desires.

All this may seem mundane and mediocre. For me, it is not. I am not the same. I have decided to follow Christ. And although I have sat through darkness for such a long time, God is still my light. I have made many impulsive and imprudent decisions in the past and said many things that have damaged and given others a negative view of me. Many say we should forget our past lives. I think to a point this is dangerous. If we don't know who we used to be, then we will have no clue on what we wish to be.

It is interesting to me how people change from year to year. I encourage everyone to seek Christ in all things. In all things, pray for a changed heart. I am happy of my change, and I cannot wait to see where God has me next summer of 2010.